PICTURES OF THE DOOBIE BROTHERS
A Play in One Act by Christine Nieland
Characters:
GAIL A post-hippie photographer. In her early thirties when we first see her as the narrator, in her mid-twenties during the body of the play.
BEN Gail’s brother. A gently handsome cowboy-style hippie in his early twenties.
The time is summer, 1973.
The location is the annual Summerfest in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
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(The stage is dark. A spotlight illuminates the figure of Gail, dressed in a well-tailored California outfit.)
GAIL
When my brother and I were teenagers, we used to pretend we were the Beatles, down in the basement of my parents’ home. We’d stand at these sort of artificial microphones we’d rigged up– flower-pot bases, pipe sections and heads made out of Styrofoam with black shoe polish all over it. Then we’d rev up the stereo, whip out the air guitars, and sing along with our ultimate rock and roll heroes. Benji would be John, I would be George– the phantoms of Paul and Ringo more or less had to shift for themselves. We usually tried to stop playing before my father would get home and yell down to us, “You cut that jungle noise off or I’ll cut it off for you!” which my mother would always counter with “Come on, now, Bill, honey, they’re enjoying themselves!” to which my brother would often add, quite unsuccessfully, “Come on down, you two– we need a drummer and a base!” But most of the time I watched the clock pretty carefully, and managed to shuttle us away into the imaginary limousine before the hassles with the local authorities began. I got to be George Harrison at Benji’s specific direction. We’d be singing along, coming up on one of those impossible high harmonies, and Benji would turn to me and yell out, “Take the high part!” Now, I’m not what you’d call a sensational singer– never would have occurred to me to reach for some of those notes on my own– but somehow my brother’s confidence seemed to inspire me, and I made it up there with the immortals every time… I left Milwaukee in 1971, following a series of considerably more serious disagreements with those very same local authorities. Two years later, I had to take a business trip to Chicago– and flew up to Milwaukee for a day to see my brother.
(As the SPOTLIGHT FADES and LIGHTS SLOWLY COME UP on a stylized state-fair type setting, we hear traffic noise, the indistinct scratching of a car radio, and the voices of Gail and Benjamin.)
BEN
So– when’re you comin’ to see the folks?
GAIL
When are you moving out to California?
BEN
I asked first.
GAIL
I’m older than you are.
BEN
Yeah, but I’m driving.
GAIL
I’m the guest.
BEN
That means you gotta humor me. Let’s turn around and go back there now–
GAIL
Be–en…
BEN
Gay– ul–
GAIL
Too late anyway. There’s the turnoff– Summerfest parking, one half mile.
BEN
All right!
(Raising his voice)
Move it over, you farmers! Me and this California chick are gonna boogie!
(We hear him gun the engine.)
GAIL
Jee-sus! Benji, I cannot get over this car! What the hell kind of factory do you work in, anyway?
BEN
Machine parts — there’s the sign I’ve been waiting to see— Look at that — “Appearing tonight!”
GAIL
“In person!”
GAIL & BEN
“The Doobie Brothers!”
BEN
You know what’s so great about the Doobie Brothers?
GAIL
Everything!
BEN
They’re so incredibly tight!
GAIL
So incredibly tough!
BEN
So incredibly together!
GAIL
No doubt about it.
BEN
Greatest rock and roll band in the en-tire goddam universe! Let’ s get some music here- —
(We hear the crackle of static, followed by the final chorus of “Long Train Runnin’” suddenly turned up full blast.)
BEN
All right!
(They both sing along to the radio.)
BEN & GAIL
“Without love – – – where would you be now? Without loooooooooooovvvvvvve— love!
BEN
“Well, the pistons keep on turnin’,
And the wheels go round and round,
GAIL
“And the steel rails are cold and hard
And the mountains they go down
BEN
“Without love– where would you be
Right now, nownownow–”
(He calls out)
Take the high part!
(She does.)
BEN & GAIL
“Without love– oooooooo–
GAIL
“Where would you be now?”
(As the song fades out, Gail and Ben enter, both in casual summer dress. An expensive-looking camera hangs around Gail’s neck.)